The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
AMBROSE BIERCEEdible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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