When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KINGEverything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
More Alan King Quotes
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING -
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING -
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KING -
Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KING -
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING -
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING -
I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING -
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING -
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING -
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING -
I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KING -
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KING -
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING