We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KINGMy mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING