My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KINGMy brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KINGIf you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KINGThe ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
ALAN KINGWe set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KINGBanks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KINGI was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KINGWhen I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGBut in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KINGYou know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KINGThere’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KINGVillains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KINGMilton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KINGWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KINGOne morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING