We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KINGMy mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
More Alan King Quotes
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING






