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I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.

Aisha Tyler

I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
AISHA TYLER

Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
AISHA TYLER

Challenge Done Happiest Much Overwhelmed Pressure Under
Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
AISHA TYLER

Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
AISHA TYLER

Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
AISHA TYLER

Afraid Couple Day Everyone Fault Kill Other People Point Want
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
AISHA TYLER

Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
Successful people just don’t let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I’d have people come up to me after my shows, and they’d say they want to do stand-up but are scared they’re going to fail. I’d tell them,
AISHA TYLER

Define Doing Example Failure Keep People Scare Show Fall Successful Want
Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.
AISHA TYLER

Complain Going Smart Think Typecast
If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
AISHA TYLER

Astronaut Awesome Celebrity Drinking Driver Fun Party People Racecar Suck Unless Working
I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
AISHA TYLER

Anything Art Attorney Environmental Government Major Minored Policy Thought
Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
AISHA TYLER

Again Bucket Drool Fave Heard Rivulet Running Toddler Wall Watery
I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.
AISHA TYLER

Being Best Find Funny Going People Possibly Version
I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
AISHA TYLER

All Childhood Level Low Scurvy Sure
I want everyone, regardless of gender, to live a life free of restriction or fear, able to pursue their own personal brand of happiness and fulfillment.
AISHA TYLER

Battle Brand Easy Fought Fulfillment Goal Matter One Personal Really Sacrifice Worth
Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.
AISHA TYLER

Culture Failing Fall Pop Want
I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.
AISHA TYLER

Deserve Hero Kill Nice People Save Zombie

I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.

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I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.

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