“I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.”

I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.

I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.

“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”

Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.

“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.

I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.

TV always wants more people to be watching.

The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.

I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.

You just have to keep getting up’. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.

I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.

But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.

One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I’ve always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.

I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

I was 14 when I lost them [his front teeth]. The main thing was, we won that game, so I was the happiest. You hate to lose your teeth and the game, too.

You can no more keep a martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there. The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory; it is one of the happiest marriages on earth and one of the shortest-lived.

Choosing to live in the timeless, I am now at the easiest and happiest time of my life.

The day they discover yoga mats are carcinogenic will be the happiest day of my life.

The happiest man is he, who being above the troubles which money brings, has his hands the fullest of work.

Research shows that the happiest people are those who use their natural talents to the utmost.

The happiest moments in any affair take place after the loved one has learned to accommodate the lover and before the maddening personality of either party has emerged like a jagged rock from the receding tides of lust and curiosity.