I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
AISHA TYLERI think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
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I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
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I love it when I come across a word I don’t know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren’t smart enough to come along with me.
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I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
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I want everyone, regardless of gender, to live a life free of restriction or fear, able to pursue their own personal brand of happiness and fulfillment.
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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.
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I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
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I take the most wrenchingly painful moments of my life, brush them off and present them for the amusement of others. Luckily for me, my childhood was torture.
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When I was young I thought, ‘Yeah, people don’t see, they’re not recognizing how funny I am, and how talented I am’. And the guys that mentored me were like, ‘
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Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
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Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
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I like grown up comedy.
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