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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.

Aisha Tyler

When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
AISHA TYLER

Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.
AISHA TYLER

Definitely Gnawed Hand Man Maybe Nail Stubby
I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
AISHA TYLER

Always Geek Nerd Real Such
I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
AISHA TYLER

Away Busy Job Other Plenty Possible Thing Want Went
I love it when I come across a word I don’t know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren’t smart enough to come along with me.
AISHA TYLER

Across Audience Come Enough Know Smart Treat Word
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
AISHA TYLER

Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
AISHA TYLER

Away Creativity Something Stand Up Walk Want
So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
AISHA TYLER

Comfortable Foibe Hide Instead Longer Show Stand Think Up Wanting
When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
AISHA TYLER

Bother Change Comment Eventually Going Kind Point Realize Younger
I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
AISHA TYLER

Challenge Done Happiest Much Overwhelmed Pressure Under
I don’t believe in superheroes but I love Batman movies. There’s a part of every person that is entertained by the idealistic, the fantastic.
AISHA TYLER

Batman Believe Entertain Fantastic Idealistic Movie Person Superhero
I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
AISHA TYLER

Bone First How Love Say Stand Started Up
If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
AISHA TYLER

Move Need Poop Ruin Someone Terminate Thing Workplace
One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I’ve always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.
AISHA TYLER

Always Archer Audience Comedy Podcast Really Tried Writing
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLER

Fail Hate Husband Love Think Want
I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
AISHA TYLER

Anything Art Attorney Environmental Government Major Minored Policy Thought

I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.

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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.

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