I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
-
-
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA -
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA -
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA -
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I’d never hurt another person.
ADAM CAROLLA -
We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
ADAM CAROLLA -
Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA -
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA -
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA -
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLA