My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
ADAM CAROLLAI am not a good cue card reader.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA






