I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA