Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAThe believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA