Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLALets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLA