Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLAThe best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I get depressed at airports.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLA