We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLAWe never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLAFigure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLAI’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLAThe reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
ADAM CAROLLAMillions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLAYou shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
ADAM CAROLLA[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
ADAM CAROLLAI liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAThe best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLALife is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA