Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDSPrayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I never eat before breakfast.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS