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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

W. C. Fields

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

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