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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

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