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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

W. C. Fields

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

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