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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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Popular Authors

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