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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

W. C. Fields

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself

I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

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