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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

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