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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

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