Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDSAnyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS