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The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.

Bob Saget

What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
BOB SAGET

Creative Forward Looking People
When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
BOB SAGET

Cable Storms Television Things Unless
At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
BOB SAGET

Day End Over Time
I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGET

Doorways May Stressed Unflattered
You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
BOB SAGET

Friend Learn Lying
If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGET

Hanging Negative People Two
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.
BOB SAGET

Gossip People Rumor
Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGET

Enjoy Masturbation Public
There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGET

Country People Two Wii
Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
BOB SAGET

Girl Met Reasonable Told
I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
BOB SAGET

Penguins People Want
They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
BOB SAGET

Closer Enemies Say
The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
BOB SAGET

Hands Selfish Trying
Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
BOB SAGET

Arguing People Truth
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET

Dressing Missing Salad Sauce

The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.

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The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.

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Popular Authors

More Bob Saget Quotes