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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Bill Bailey

Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEY

Doubt Funny Humor Mind
I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
BILL BAILEY

Quite Sometimes Stressful Way Worry
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Guitar Tremendous Value Vintage
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY

Electricity Kings Law People Running
Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Long Nostalgia
It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEY

Animal Funny Humor Still Trained
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY

Dad Face Funny Humor Wrong
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Rocks Whine
This shed does not contain me.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Shed
People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Optimist People
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEY

Admire Funny Humor Hurt Ikea
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEY

Confused Funny Philosophical
Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
BILL BAILEY

Belief Funny Happened Humor
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position

Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

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