If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLYAs soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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