“Try to live in a place you like.”

I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.

Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.

Did they look like anyone we know? For example a cross between pippi longstocking and the wicked witch of the west would obviously give us marcie millar

If you have work to do, don’t wait to feel like it; set to work and you will feel like it.

People really feel like music is free but will pay $6 for water. You can drink water free out of the tap, and it’s good water. But they’re OK paying for it.

It’s hard to see someone with a ‘perfect’ body and be like, ‘Why can’t I be like her?’ But that person was born to be who she is, and you’re born to be who you are.

I’m going to come out and tell it like it is.

I don’t like standard beauty – there is no beauty without strangeness.

I know what it’s like to feel that fear and the need of affirmation and appreciation. To build confidence in yourself is the toughest thing.

Everybody is not going to like it, but I don’t care if they like or not. I’m Bush, so if they don’t like it resign.