I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
BILLY CONNOLLYThe only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLY