“Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.”

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

I’m psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.

If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.

When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.

Everyone I love I pay.

I don’t feel like I’m with you. And I say, You know what? That was your mother’s gripe, too. And she was right. And you’re also correct. When you cop to something, you get to the next level. In this case, the next level is: I just learned something from my twelve-year-old.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

I have no agenda, nothing to control.

In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

Get rich by taking something common and making it uncommon.

Keep a note pad and pencil on your bedside table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 A.M.

I love jotting down ideas for my blog, so I doodle or take notes on all kinds of stuff that inspires me: the people I meet, boutiques I visit, a florist that just gave me a great idea for an interior-design project, things like that.

In order to be creative, you don’t have to be original.

Creativity is the ability to introduce order into the randomness of nature.

I wanted to define the vocabulary of a wedding both visually and intellectually. The book is about more than weddings or wedding dresses. It’s a metaphor for women’s lives, their creativity.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

All truly great art is optimistic. The individual artist is happy in his creative work. The fact that practically all great art is tragic does not in any way change the above thesis.