black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

Bill Bailey

There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position
The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY

Bafflingly Jump Paralyzing Philosophical Spider
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEY

Dollars Funny Humor Work
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY

Finished Funny Humor Unique
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Natural Swan
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY

Electricity Kings Law People Running
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Possess Things
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Fashion Marijuana
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY

Existentialist Funny Humor
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Outcome Three
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY

Disappointment Kinder Surprise
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Guitar Tremendous Value Vintage
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY

Country Foxes Funny Knocking Running Scrambling

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

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Popular Authors

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