“Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!”

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.

Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?

Anything that’s left that’s remotely like wilderness should be left strictly alone. We have no business there any more. It’s not going to save you to go in and cut the last old-stand forests.

We are all born bonded to nature; that’s why we put depictions of flowers and forests, rather than bulldozers or log piles, on our walls.

If we lose the forests, we lose our only teachers.

If you just take a single human and put him or her in the forest he or she might not do very well without some sort of education which he got or she got from some tribe.

I like being outdoors. I like to go cavorting in the nude in the forests. It is just another world. To take sunbaths in the nude.

Never play tips from “insiders.” They can’t see the forest for the trees.

Its not about learning to trust. Its about learning what it is I place my trust in and why. Its like learning to see the forest for the trees. You cannot see the forest for the trees unless you are outside the forest.