“What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn’t want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you’d cheat!”

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.

Calvin: Life’s a lot more fun when you aren’t responsible for your actions.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man’s destruction of forests. . . .

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word ‘booger’ in a newspaper comic strip.

Barney’s Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said “Eat your peas.” Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney’s Mom never found out where he’d gone, Cause Barney didn’t tell her. T

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

I’ve been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications – the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons.

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!

Since September it’s just gotten colder and colder. There’s less daylight now, I’ve noticed too. This can only mean one thing – the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isn’t going out.

They can’t chain my spirit! My spirit runs free! Walls can’t contain it! Laws can’t restrain it! Authority has no power over it!

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

Few things are less comforting than a tiger who’s up too late.

The way Calvin’s brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

Anti-Americanism is a pure totalitarian concept. The very notion is idiotic.

Reverse Darwinism: survival of the most idiotic.