Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.
BO BURNHAMPeople give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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I know it’s the comedian’s instinct to say, “Do it, man, nothing’s off-limits! It’s cool, bro!” I don’t know if that’s the answer for me.
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
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I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
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Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
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When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
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I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
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I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
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I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
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I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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Do you guys like impressions? “Why?” That was Socrates.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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I always wanted to be a comedian and actor. I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I’m OK, but that’s about it. I like to think I’m good enough not to negatively affect the performance.
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I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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I think it’s using people, I think it’s like encouraging something that’s unhealthy, telling people you love them. “I love you.” Oh really, you love your fans?
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
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I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
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What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
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