I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAMWhere are all the sour patch parents?
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
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When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
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I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
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Love is all about… whistles.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
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I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
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I think it’s using people, I think it’s like encouraging something that’s unhealthy, telling people you love them. “I love you.” Oh really, you love your fans?
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I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
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Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
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If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
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How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
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I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
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I always wanted to be a comedian and actor. I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I’m OK, but that’s about it. I like to think I’m good enough not to negatively affect the performance.
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The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
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It’s not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
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Where are all the sour patch parents?
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Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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