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I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

Bo Burnham

I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.
BO BURNHAM

Comedian Comedy Watches
I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
BO BURNHAM

College Dream Eight
Where are all the sour patch parents?
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Parent
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
BO BURNHAM

Close College Comedy Going
I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
BO BURNHAM

Add Thinking Trying
I know it’s the comedian’s instinct to say, “Do it, man, nothing’s off-limits! It’s cool, bro!” I don’t know if that’s the answer for me.
BO BURNHAM

Fall Know Men Miscarriage
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
BO BURNHAM

Average Person Tube
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
BO BURNHAM

Dirty Funny Humor
The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That’s an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes.
BO BURNHAM

Strong Struggle Thinking
Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
BO BURNHAM

Isquaring Numbers Thirteen
I just think they aren’t true. I’m saying that our generation wants stuff that is substantial and challenging, as well as thoughtful and endearing. Well, I don’t know if I’m doing that, but I’m trying.
BO BURNHAM

Endearing Generation Just Say Sustainable Trying
My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
BO BURNHAM

Faces Ideas Littles Persona
I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Girlfriend Uncle
I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
BO BURNHAM

Faces Something Stupid
I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
BO BURNHAM

Bullets Car Newspaper
I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor School
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Gay Humor Meet Time
Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
BO BURNHAM

Brain Challenges Emotional
“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
BO BURNHAM

Audience Awordship Comedy Unwquestiongly
We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
BO BURNHAM

Blue Country Moon People
When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
BO BURNHAM

Country Men People Theatre Thinking
I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAM

Belief Funny Humor
Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Intelligent
I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAM

Dollars Long Pussy
There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Humor Long Met People
I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
BO BURNHAM

Controversial Thinking Trying
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
BO BURNHAM

Broke Celebrate Happy Thanksgiving

I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

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I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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