I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
BO BURNHAMWhat’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
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The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
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I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.
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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
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Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
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The average person has one Fallopian tube.
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I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
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My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
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How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
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I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
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They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.
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What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
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It’s not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage.
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For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: ‘I’ll say anything, man!’. I’m not quite there yet.
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I’m bored way too easily. I’m staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?
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I’m interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they’re scary, and they’re important to think about.
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