“How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.”

I’m interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they’re scary, and they’re important to think about.

Critics have said I write without spontaneity, in cold blood. I don’t. I write in hot blood.

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.

I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

There are a shitload of songs about being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back and I talk about weed and my cat and being lazy a lot.

True ideas are those that we can assimilate, validate, corroborate, and verify. False ideas are those that we cannot

Love is all about… whistles.

I’m just ready to keep going.

50 Cent is a hero to me because he’s overcome so many things. He’s been shot nine times and lived. I had a cousin got shot once in the ankle. Dead.

So many times through the course of a season you are defined by your backups. They have three players in [Kirk] Cousins, Niles [Paul] and [Bashaud] Breeland who may be better than the players that they’re replacing.

Kirk Cousins is the future of the Washington Redskins.

My grandfather was a lawyer, my dad was a lawyer, my mum was a lawyer, I got an uncle who’s a lawyer, I got cousins that are lawyers.

Elizabeth studied the blurry tabloid photo, which showed her cousin Mary Stuart leaving a Paris disco at dawn, drunkenly clinging to the arm of a French tennis pro. The message was very clear. Put passion first and you end up neither loved nor respected.

My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

My mum had a cousin that had played when he was younger.