“I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.”

Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.

There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?

Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,

I’m happy with what I’m doing. I try not to focus on how I’ve changed. I just try to focus on what I’m doing now.

People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

Mathematics is the science which draws necessary conclusions.

The mind has its own logic but does not often let others in on it.

That is the inescapable math of tragedy and the multiplication of grief. Too many good people die a little when they lose someone they love.

Spending when the math’s not there and the numbers aren’t there and if they look in the social security trust fund, it’s filled with IOUs because the government’s been pilfering it for years on end. We have to do something. We have to start having this discussion.

I certainly was a geeky kid myself, but to me, math and science were always these magical things- powerful tools you could use in incredible ways.

You live your life between your ears.

Mathematical objects are determined by – and understood by – the network of relationships they enjoy with all the other objects of their species.

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.