Love is all about… whistles.
BO BURNHAMWas Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
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I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
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I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
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I’m also wary about the fact that if you don’t proceed with caution and understand what you’re doing, you understand these things are realities that you’re dealing with, they’re real things.
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Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
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Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that’s a lovely addition.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
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There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
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Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
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I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
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How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
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The average person has one Fallopian tube.
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Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
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My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
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