For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: ‘I’ll say anything, man!’. I’m not quite there yet.
BO BURNHAMHappy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
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There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
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I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It’s like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, ‘I think you try too hard in your comedy.’ And that’s what I worry about.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.
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If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
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What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
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Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
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Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
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If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.
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My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
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I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
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I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
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I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
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Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
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