If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
BO BURNHAMDrugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
-
-
I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
BO BURNHAM -
Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
BO BURNHAM -
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAM -
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
BO BURNHAM -
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
BO BURNHAM -
Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.
BO BURNHAM -
There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
BO BURNHAM -
I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
BO BURNHAM -
I’m bored way too easily. I’m staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?
BO BURNHAM -
There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAM -
Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
BO BURNHAM -
I know it’s the comedian’s instinct to say, “Do it, man, nothing’s off-limits! It’s cool, bro!” I don’t know if that’s the answer for me.
BO BURNHAM -
Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
BO BURNHAM -
Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
BO BURNHAM -
I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
BO BURNHAM -
I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
BO BURNHAM -
The world doesn’t need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers – the world needs more you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
BO BURNHAM -
Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
BO BURNHAM -
Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
BO BURNHAM -
People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
BO BURNHAM -
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
BO BURNHAM -
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
BO BURNHAM -
I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
BO BURNHAM -
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
BO BURNHAM -
“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
BO BURNHAM -
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
BO BURNHAM