I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
BILLY CONNOLLYWell, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLY