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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

Bill Bailey

Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY

Confused Harmless Limp Thing Wole
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
BILL BAILEY

Alive Die Funny Humor
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY

Funny God Humor Thank
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY

Cheese Funny Humor West
Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
BILL BAILEY

Earning Fluctuate Gigs Lasts Profession
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY

Males Pubs Three
I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Meat
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEY

Admire Funny Humor Hurt Ikea
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Over People
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
BILL BAILEY

Bonus College Fun Paid Suddenly Teaching
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Possess Things
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY

Country Foxes Funny Knocking Running Scrambling
I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Funny Humor Long Thinking
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
BILL BAILEY

Crush Cynicism Flower Funny
Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Long Nostalgia

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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