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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Bill Bailey

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Magazine True
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Outcome Three
The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Fire Funny Humor Spontaneous
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEY

Dollars Funny Humor Work
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Funny Humor Long Thinking
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
BILL BAILEY

Animal Come Fruit Stealing
Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY

Hard Mean Save Work
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEY

Funny God Morning Sorry
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
BILL BAILEY

Anthropomorphic Aspects Funny Horse Humor
Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEY

Doubt Funny Humor Mind
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY

Disappointment Kinder Surprise
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY

Finished Funny Humor Unique
I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEY

Concrete Funny Humor Pigs

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Bailey Quotes