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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Bill Bailey

The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Fire Funny Humor Spontaneous
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY

Littles Stupid Three
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY

Dad Face Funny Humor Wrong
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Outcome Three
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Rocks Whine
Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
BILL BAILEY

Laughing Lavender Orange
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
BILL BAILEY

Bonus College Fun Paid Suddenly Teaching
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Possess Things
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Vegetarianism
I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoyed Holiday Morning Son
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Natural Swan
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Magazine True
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Harp Humor Long
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
BILL BAILEY

Animal Come Fruit Stealing
There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
BILL BAILEY

Box Evil Funny Humor Suggestion

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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