I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
BILLY CONNOLLYLife is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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The more you know the less the better.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
BILLY CONNOLLY