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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Billy Connolly

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY

Adelaide Air Fly Pointed
There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offended Target The Aim
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hands Issues People Pound
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hammers More
[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arriving Kill Killing MIssed Time
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Toilet
Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Disease Media Negativity
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Blow Make Think Thinking Useless
I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Huge Love Simply Thinking You
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY

never Out Work
A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Funny Humor
I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Alright Disease Humorous Mad
American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dolls People Sex Suppose
Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Bit Fun Jobs Laugh Occupation

Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

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Popular Authors

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