“I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.”

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.

Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

We have an obligation to help people that cannot help themselves. The mentally retarded, the physically retarded, et cetera.

I have no shortage of material or offers, it’s just a case of what you select to do. But I think it’s realistic that my chances of playing Romeo are now over.

Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you’re in control, they’re in control.

Like most housewives, I don’t cook unless I have company.

I see all these old people who don’t have anything to do but eat, drink and sleep.

You don’t have goggles, so you can’t see anything.

I haven’t found anywhere in the world where I want to be all the time. The best of my life is the moving. I look forward to going.

I’d never have left Hawkwind if I hadn’t been fired.