“This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.”

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

How can I die? I’m booked.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.

I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

Reading is such a huge part of my life.

“What if I like watching television? What if I don’t want to do much else other than read a book?”.

Honestly, I haven’t the time to read contemporary writers. I know this is awful, but in the main it is true.

I was a really good student. In the sixth grade, I was reading at a twelfth grade reading level. But I got bored.

It is of great advantage to the student of any subject to read the original memoirs on that subject, for science is always most completely assimilated when it is in the nascent state.

As soon as Oliver Twist is serialized, people who would never dream of reading [Charles] Dickens, if they hadn’t seen him on their box, buy the paperback.

The Bible has affected their lives, but in translation, since they do not read the Bible in the original Greek or Hebrew.

I do like people to read the books twice, because I write my novels about ideas which concern me deeply and I think are important, and therefore I want people to take them seriously. And to read it twice of course is taking it seriously.