“There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.”

You can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.

People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.

There’s no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn’t been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you’ll look cool, I don’t get that. But I don’t watch standup anyway, so I don’t know what they’re doing.

My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.

A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.

I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.

The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.

There’s no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don’t exist.

I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.

Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.

I go through about 140 cities a year.

My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.

I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.

Game of Thrones’ is the greatest thing I’ve ever been a part of.

It was like they waited to tell each other things that had never been told before. What she had to say was terrible and afraid. But what he would tell her was so true that it would make everything all right.

Men have been pacifists for every reason under the sun except to avoid danger and fighting.

Love! Beyond measure – beyond death – it nearly kills. But one wouldn’t have been without it.

It’s never been seen that a street artist go as far as I’ve gone – keep consistent without wanting to do a bunch of ventures outside of music to keep my face out there.

With ‘Lady Macbeth,’ I had two other things offered to me, and they would have also been very fun, but you just have to figure that out. And then you do it.

I’m not talking about Russia in my music. I’ve never been to Russia. I’m not talking about Africa, Switzerland, China.

Climbing the economic ladder has been very hard for me; I still feel a great deal of guilt towards those I left behind.