“Polite conversation is rarely either.”

I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

My favorite animal is steak.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

Nothing succeeds like address.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.

You’re only as good as your last haircut.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation is that each is thinking more about what he intends to say than others are saying.

Marriage is one long conversation, chequered by disputes.

A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them – they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole relationship.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

My lawyer has been a good friend of mine for a long time. He and I continuously have conversations.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

Conceit causes more conversation than wit.

You start reverting back to that state of mind where you’re having conversations with yourself, and that’s where the weirdest and most honest ideas come from.