“You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.”

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.

All I know is that if we play well, we control our own destiny in terms of what we do.

I don’t remember as a kid wanting to do or be anything else but drive something, be a race driver.

Every coach has his own style of play, but when you spend your whole life as a Cowboy, you have to be influenced by what we did.

She will do this job perfectly for you; don’t bother your head about it.

I think the worst thing a player can do is just not be yourself.

You dream what you’re supposed to do.

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

No one knows the cost of a defective product – don’t tell me you do.