“You know, it’s about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying .”

So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.

I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.

I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.

When I was young I thought, ‘Yeah, people don’t see, they’re not recognizing how funny I am, and how talented I am’. And the guys that mentored me were like, ‘

I started out being a stand up and writing my own material. That took me to Talk Soup, where I was writing and performing for TV.

So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.

I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.

Pop culture is great, but it can be bad, at times.

I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.

I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.

Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.

I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

Karaoke is the great equalizer.

When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.

Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.

I’ve always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.

Honey, if you’ve had your eye on a piece of talent and that chick down the road has been getting all the action, then you know what you gotta do… Try A Little Bit Harder.

With ‘New Rose Hotel,’ I knew that I was getting paid a $100,000 fee to write, produce, and direct, and that’s all I was going to get.

The getting out of doors is the greatest part of the journey.

Don’t go getting all shy on me now, Lana,” he drawled, squeezing my sides with his hands

Soul brother number 1+1 Gettin’ fed like where drugs and guns come from

Trying to guess what the (mass) audience wants and then trying to satisfy that is usually a bad recipe for getting something good.

Getting chased home from the bus stop after school by English kids, boarding school, being targeted for praying to what they call Allah wallah ding dong.

R-E-L-A-X. I’m still getting paid millions of dollars.