“If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.”

I know everything because I know nothing.

I don’t know anything about computers.

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.

There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.

Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

Radiantly nothing. Absolutely and eternally zero. Emptiness that is awake. Emptiness that is full. Emptiness that is everything.

Outside His will, outside His thought, all is nothing, even the things which seem to us absolutely self-evident such as space and time.

He’s not cruel. He just does what he has to do. And in his own mind, he’s absolutely right.

Half of it is absolutely genuine, and half of it is us playing around with that fact.

Am I in love? Absolutely. I’m in love with ancient philosophers, foreign painters, classic authors, and musicians who have died long ago. I’m a passionate lover.

Just take a big belly laugh. I have watched people laughing, and for a moment they look-and are-absolutely helpless. . You can be assaulted while you are laughing.

The absolutely Non-Manifested cannot be designated by any expression which could limit It, Separate It, or include It. In spite of this, every allusion alludes only to Him, every designation designates Him, and He is at the same time the Non-Manifested and the Manifested.

There is absolutely no greater high than challenging the power structure as a nobody, giving it your all, and winning. I think I’ve learned that lesson twice now.