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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.

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Absolutely Ever Funny Humor Idea Relationship

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLA

Airport Depress Depressed Fear Height Scare Shy
You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Cruise Feeling Good Internet Name Walk
Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advantage Ask Focus Asking Judging Smell Someone
I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA

Age Life Positive Show Story Success Year
I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Feeling Good Positive Reader
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA

Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA

Brush Front never Own Pick Stand
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Feeling Land Side Thing Views
You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLA

Afford Between Bunch Choice Dropped Last Loser Unenviable
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA

Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ball Basketball Game Inspirational Playground Ymca
I know everything because I know nothing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Everything Know Nothing Aware Truth
You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Control Credit More Much Navigate Pill Realize Sugar Use
It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
ADAM CAROLLA

Acclimate Anything Funny Kid
I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
ADAM CAROLLA

Favourite Form Freedom Mess Podcast Really

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